The passing of Robin Williams this week makes me pause. I’m not sure how to process things like this. Like many of the people who have passed away in my life recently, it shakes me. With some one like Williams it’s not so much because he meant as much to me as say my Mom and Pop, but because like my parents…I just expected them to always be there. Whether it is disease or depression…people will eventually be gone. My heart hurts at these times…broken and battered. And as I have quite often lately it seems, I pick up the pieces and move forward.
I’ve learned quite well how to put it back together. Through the passing of family, friends, and relationships I’ve become quite expert at putting the pieces back together. Faith has played a large part in moving forward during these times when it seems darker than it probably actually is.
“We move forward…that’s the only direction God gave us.”
Perhaps ironically the darkness that Williams found himself in that led him to take his life is not something that I can relate to, but the loneliness that I seem to find myself in because death like his can lead me to thoughts of how those I just always assumed would be there are in fact no longer there. And I find myself alone even in the middle of a crowd. A little scared…a little cracked.
“Our hearts…a bubble makers dream”
You can usually find me in some form of prayer at these times. What I should do, what God wants me to do at these times is almost always a deafening silence. And then I move forward, and this is Faith. Especially with the end of my last relationship I find that putting my heart back together while more familiar each time, it never comes out the same. These last few times seem to be more significant. This should not be so surprising to me as the death of my parents and relationship have been most significant. And I move forward.
“Through chaos as it swirls…it’s Us Against the World”
My heart has been broken both literally and emotionally more times than I would like in recent times. But whether it’s been Kosuri or myself fixing it I have found myself moving forward. As fragile as it and I have seemed to be…resiliently my heart keeps beating, forward I keep moving. I attribute this to God in my life.
Faith. We are not alone, although it’s hard not to feel that way sometimes.
(Sorry if I've rambled!)